Not Perfect (Obvi), just trying my best as a mom…by researching the heck out of everything and letting my heart feel it out.


Nobody prepares you for the responsibility of becoming a parent…and if anyone tried to prepare you and tell you all of the things that will go on before you were a parent…you would be overwhelmed AND cross your legs forever, Or you would not be able to care cuz it’s so far away, or you might feel pissed off that people are making it seem so scary or more complicated than it should be, or perhaps you just would not believe it at all.
flight, fight or denial….my friend a story as old as time— This is just human nature.

If you are a mom, you have been in a similar situation before. Remember all that talk about pregnancy & Delivery?
Even prior of you reaching childbearing age, people (grown ups) always talked about you how “hard ” pregnancy and the delivery would be—and yet….. YOU didn’t see it coming— you technically “knew” it was hard…….. but as your temporary pregnancy nausea and cankles slowly develop, you realize, you didn’t think it would be THIS hard—and Whyyyy didnt anyone tell you how hard it really was?!!!!

The truth is, once you’re’re going to go through it….so it would be awful to be that person to be telling you all the parts of it that make you think you will need therapy after them.
Let’s say, once you’re pregnant,….It’s just not the right time to tell you about aunt Lillibeth’s 28 hours of labor or that 3rd grade laceration or those stitches that came undone, or that massive amount of blood that had been retained after that emergency C-section…. they all happened…in a land far far far away…and we just have to keep on thinking positive because otherwise how does one get through it!?
You gotta have Faith! to make it through the day child!
— and expect the unexpected and do your best at every uncertain turn in a journey that has lots of portions that are somewhat out of our control. Let’s keep it at–We just want healthy babies and healthy mommies.

By the time you hit that first year of your tiny human’s life. We should know already…! I mean— Just as with all the previous stages of motherhood— you learn as you go…and if you haven’t learned it yet—- that will Learn ya! (As uncle Doug says).
SO When I share my way of disciplining my 3 year old…., I say it with no sort of authority. I just share it because …the kid seems happy….and I am at peace with what I have chosen to do with what I have learned so far.

My approach to parenting is the one of Research, and once I feel I have been presented with an assortment of parenting tools and psychology truths….I let this innate love I feel for my baby guide me. Maybe that’s just what we all do.

I consider that researching parenting info is crucial to parenting consciously and not resorting back to the emergency default programmed in us during our own childhood….for better or for worse. I think— I want better for my son… just as my mom wanted better for me and so on every parent is trying the best within their possibilities and think their kid has it so much easier— I honestly think this is part of how we evolve as a species.

Let’s be real its HARD to find the time and the energy to research because….YOU are already Navigating your current stage, so you research and find ways to navigate it…but before you know it…development has run its course and you and your baby are now on to the next stage and you gotta get your research on again. Oh yeah! Let’s be real, your research is all your’e getting on for a little while. Maybe that’s why in her wisdom mother nature prevents you from getting anything but your research on for a few good weeks, if you know what I mean.
If you have support around you, you might be able to research the stage ahead and feel better prepared, or even get the cliff notes from an experienced mom around you…..but between lack of sleep and constant developmental changes… not to mention literal diaper changes…you might find you are always trying to catch up…and just always lagging behind.

I am a registered nurse…so I know about valid research sources…..husband knows his share about Pediatric Medicine and since we are all currently in the middle of the COVID19 PANDEMIC, I take we need as much support as we can get, and we should share as much as we can give.

THIS is why I think, YES, though not THE SCHOLARLY Journal I am sure you wanted to get your hands on right now, I will share my experience, and what I researched, and what I chose to do– because I know you are tired too… and if you like me, are away from all extended family right now— (Any M.D.-in-training spouses out there?) YOU and I should be friends….

I believe, we are only as liable for our actions as our knowledge allows us to be. However, consequences for any actions, are NATURAL consequences. whether or not we meant well. Natural consequences are inescapable, in your life, and that of your children, and everyone in the planet. So if you can place in front of you multiple perspectives and multiple Potential consequences to your actions, you can be better prepared to make the BEST DECISION for Your OWN family.

THERE IS NO ONE ANSWER, NO ONE RIGHT WAY TO PARENT OR TO DO ANYTHING. We are all Unique, and situations are unique so what might work for one person, might not work for the next.

Let’s keep in mind that all families have different dynamics and we can all as a family Process things differently, just as we personally may process differently than our family. What might be a harmless prank in one family might be hurtful to someone else depending on their own family dynamics.

Let’s all Just take all these perspectives and lessons into our minds, and make our OWN heartfelt decisions guided for the benefit of our children, families, and society ❤
Root yourself in LOVE and Kindness, as much and as often as you can, to make decisions… and I think then, this would be a better more joyful and hopeful place to call our temporary home.

Blessings and Love,

Karen Stella

Published by StellaOfMine

He Calls Me His Own and to be a Good Steward to his Blessings; I am mine to safeguard & safekeep, I am your sister, here to remind you to Let your Light Shine <3

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